Monday Morning Boost: Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable
I recently had an engaging conversation with my friend Rebekah Anderson. She was sharing some thoughts of her own, along with quoting someone she respects. As I read through the thoughts Rebekah shared, I realized I saw things differently than she did.
Imagine seeing things differently than another person.
Crazy, I know!
We all know disagreeing with people is simply a part of life. And we see the results of those disagreements played out without restraint all over social media. Makes me wonder whatever happened to the old adage, “Disagree without being disagreeable”?
Here’s a thought.
When we focus on building relationships of value, love, and trust with other people, we are granted one of the most precious gifts… the freedom to engage in a conversation with another person even though we have differing points of view.
Miraculous, I know!
Rebekah and I have such a relationship. We value, love, and trust each other. We can share ideas as well as challenge each other. What follows is our conversation as it played it, word for word (with simple formatting changes made by me for readability).
While the topic itself is fascinating, I invite you to consider more the tone of the conversation.
The First Act of Creation is Always Destruction.
“Our lives are always in motion. As such, we will continually be asked to give up the life we have for the life we are creating. When you decide to improve your life, the first thing you will experience is loss…
“You begin therapy or join a spiritual group because you see a possibility for yourself that you want to realize. You think that, because you’ve taken positive action, things should start to look up.
“Instead, very often, something strange happens. Things actually begin to get worse. That is because you have made a decision to grow yourself into a wiser, more loving, version of yourself. And that means that the “old” you has to die so that the “new” you can be born.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
This reminds me of one of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes:
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
Destruction is often a necessary part of creation. Yet, there are times when it’s the most damaging. For instance, my army basic training is a great of “positive destruction” as it was designed to break down the undisciplined civilian and create a disciplined soldier. While the system still has flaws, especially the natural flaws of humanity, it works pretty effectively because it focuses on creating strong individual core values (ie. Warrior Ethos) to create strong core team values (ie. Mission First, People Always).
In contrast, let’s consider what happens when a person who is experiencing a faith crisis, questioning the values they were raised by, or trying to understand how they belong to a family versus just fitting in. Often the loudest message that is repeatedly slammed into them is everything they believed, are part of, or felt is all wrong. Your religion is wrong, your values are wrong, your family is wrong. You must rebel, be your own person, fight the system. There is nothing positive or healthy about this destruction to create process.
Always love hearing your insights and perspective, my friend. I feel a bit differently about the second scenario you described as a faith crisis. Though it’s scary, I actually believe it’s a good and beautiful thing to take away everything you think (or thought) you “know” or have been taught by parents, family, friends, institutions, etc. and start from nothing. Who are you independent of all those influences? Then build from nothing (creation after destruction). What do YOU think, feel, believe. We truly have all the answers we need within ourselves and many have been taught not to trust themselves or their gut or their intuition or whatever someone calls it 🙂 I love the line in Doctor Strange: Forget everything you thought you knew. I think this gives opportunity for a sacred process with yourself and your higher power.
I agree with your feelings here my friend. It is alright to strip down to nothing and rebuild, destruct to create. The difference I feel is not in the person but in those who influence the person.
My army drill sergeants did their best to make us feel like worthless scumbags but never once tried to destroy who we were.
Some who assert themselves into the faith crisis a person is going through (frequently without being sought after) seem intent on destroying not only the values of the person but also the values of any organization, religion, or family they are part of.
Imagine the repercussions if my army drill sergeants intentionally sought to destroy me as a person and destroy my religion, my town, my family. Yet, we give free rein to those seeking to destroy personal values if they are connected to religion.
Thank you for creating a beautiful space of love and confidence for healthy conversations in areas that can often be challenging. So grateful for your insights, your confidence, your love. ❤
Thank you my friend! You are so welcome ❤️
I hope we can intentionally find ways to be part of the solution that creates more relationships of value, love, and trust.
So what do you think my friends? Please share your thoughts, either about the subject of the conversation or the conversation itself. And if this conversation is worth sharing, I would be honored if you would. Thank you!
Have a great Monday. Thanks for letting me share!
p.s. Take 13 minutes today to have an engaging agreeable conversation with someone you disagree with.
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RED EDGE LIVE WITH KAREN LINDSAY – OLYMPIC RESILIENCY
The Olympics are one of the most extraordinary examples of what a person can achieve and become. In the Olympics and all aspects of life, we witness that internal discipline to recover from challenges and rise in the face of failure. We cheer the winners, honor the underdogs.
Resilience is a key factor, Karen Lindsay will help us understand, for both the victors we celebrate and those who finish last. We’ll also consider the impact of how we judge those who don’t perform how we expect them to.
Case in point: Simone Biles & Sifan Hassa
Simone from Team USA is condemned by many for her decision to withdraw from several gymnastic events for her mental health. Turning Point USA cofounder Charlie Kirk called her weak. “We are raising a generation of weak people like Simone Biles,” he said. “Simone Biles just showed the rest of the nation that when things get tough, you shatter into a million pieces.”
Sifan from the Dutch Team is celebrated because she recovered after being tripped to win her qualifying heat in the women’s 1,500-meter event. Sports analyst and talk show host Gary Gottlieb wrote of Hassan’s comeback: “Everyone gets knocked down… the question is who gets back up…”
As Karen Lindsay will help us understand, it took resiliency for both Simone and Sifan to do what they did.
POWER OF THREE
• How resilient are you when challenges arise?
• What gives you the grit to get back up again and again?
• What empowers you to focus your vision on a healthy course?
Click here to enjoy the conversation!
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